{"id":228,"date":"2004-05-04T09:03:00","date_gmt":"2004-05-04T09:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.jmatt.net\/?p=228"},"modified":"2013-11-28T02:41:14","modified_gmt":"2013-11-28T02:41:14","slug":"republican-beliefs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/?p=228","title":{"rendered":"Republican beliefs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you find yourself as confused as I am about just how the mind of the average Republican works (rumor has it some of them actually do have minds, although probably not hearts), this might be helpful.  A friend forwarded me this list of Republican beliefs that makes it all much clearer.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Things you must believe to remain a Republican today:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you&#8217;re a conservative radio host. Then it&#8217;s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery\n<li>The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.\n<li>Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.\n<li>&#8220;Standing Tall for America&#8221; means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.\n<li>A woman can&#8217;t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but  multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.\n<li>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.\n<li>The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in  speeches while slashing veterans&#8217; benefits and combat pay.\n<li>Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for Governor of California as a Republican.\n<li>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won&#8217;t have sex.\n<li>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then  demand their cooperation and money.\n<li>HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.\n<li>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.\n<li>Global warming and tobacco&#8217;s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.\n<li>Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush&#8217;s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a &#8220;we can&#8217;t find Bin Laden&#8221; diversion.\n<li>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.\n<li>Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.\n<li>The public has a right to know about Hillary&#8217;s cattle trades, but George Bush&#8217;s driving record is none of our business.\n<li>You support states&#8217; rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.\n<li> What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the &#8217;80s is irrelevant.\n<li>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with  China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.\n<li>13. It is okay that the Bush family&#8217;s <a href=\"http:\/\/www.thecarlylegroup.com\/\" Target=\"Offsite\">Carlyle Group<\/a> has done millions of dollars of business with the Bin Laden<br \/>\n family.<\/p>\n<li>Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for<br \/>\n your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to<br \/>\n graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the<br \/>\n Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your company Harken Oil and the<br \/>\n Texas Rangers, to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the<br \/>\n Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.<\/p>\n<li> You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend<br \/>\n like there is no tomorrow and run up deficits that your grandchildren<br \/>\n will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as<br \/>\n possible to your campaign supporters.<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you find yourself as confused as I am about just how the mind of the average Republican works (rumor has it some of them actually do have minds, although probably not hearts), this might be helpful. A friend forwarded me this list of Republican beliefs that makes it all much clearer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9mOtr-3G","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=228"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}