Yet another installment in our irregular series about the evils and dangers from which our campus police are diligently protecting us.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“Suspicious circumstances reported … turkey in roadway” Unfortunately, there is no explanation as to just what was suspicious about this turkey. Maybe it’s an extension of all the anti-France mania, since Turkey wouldn’t let us use their military bases to launch our Iraq slaughter. I haven’t checked campus menus to see if all references to “turkey” have been removed.<\/p>\n
\n“Disorder reported .. caller advised he and a woman disputing over parking space both had signals on to turn into” .. C’mon guy, grow up!! You get into a fight over a parking space, then whip out your cell phone and call the cops? They got more important stuff to worry about, like chasing turkeys. The scary part is I think I can guess who the woman was; it’s not out of character for a certain nameless individual who works (if you could call it that) in this building.<\/p>\n
\n“Reported from Wildcat Lodge (the jock dorm) .. fans gathering close to building”. Geez, guys, I thought groupies were one of the perks of being a jock. What’s the matter, weren’t these pretty enough?<\/p>\n
\n“Suspicious persons reported … two people under bushes” .. Hey .. give ’em a break .. it’s springtime fer cryin out loud. Whatever happened to just discreetly looking away as you walked past? Probably just a young couple literally interpreting a “Make Love not War” poster from one of the protests. At least they’re not stalking jocks.<\/p>\n
\n“Television in dumpster reported” .. With all the crap on TV lately, who could be blamed for throwing one away? Is this now grounds for suspicion? I must have missed that clause in the Patriot Act. Does it matter what was on at the time it was thrown away? Would it be permissible to claim it was a patriotic act inspired by rage at the infamous “liberal media”?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yet another installment in our irregular series about the evils and dangers from which our campus police are diligently protecting us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-351","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9mOtr-5F","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=351"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/351\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=351"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.redhorse.me\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}