some humor by Paul Tremblay (I don’t know who he is, but he’s funny)<\/p>\n
\nA top Bush aid has acknowledged that Bush believes “the world is
\nisolating itself.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“It all started with the Germans,” Press Secretary Ari Fleisher
\nexplained. “Then the French joined in, then the rest of Europe–and
\nwell, you know the story. Every single country, with the exception of
\nIsrael, has joined together in opposing the war on Iraq. The world is
\nnow effectively isolated from the US.”<\/p>\n
\nAsked if this reflected a dangerous trend in democracy, a Bush aid
\nresponded “Absolutely.”<\/p>\n
\nRight wing commentators have been quick to point out the cynical
\nmotives behind the anti-Americanism.<\/p>\n
\n“The French and Russians just want their sweet oil deals,” Bill
\nO’Reiley noted. “And the Germans like Adolph–I mean Saddam–because
\nof his mustache. And the Belgians don’t want to lose their waffle
\ntrade with Iraq. The Italians have cinder block contracts with Iraq
\namounting in hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. And the
\nChileans–well, I’m sure they have some selfish motive.”<\/p>\n
\n“The fact that Saddam can control 90 percent of the world’s population
\nshows how powerful he is, and underscores the need to get rid of him,”
\nO’Reiley added<\/p>\n
\nBut even liberal commentators found grounds to criticize world
\nopinion.<\/p>\n
\n“People just aren’t smart enough to understand that what I say is all
\nthat matters,” Pulitzer prize winning commentator Thomas Friedman
\nopined. “And what I say is, give war a chance–now!”<\/p>\n
\nDavid Broder pointed out that the USA is really the only country in
\nthe world with democracy. “Sure, 90 percent of the Germans vote, and
\nsure, they are amongst the most educated people in the world. But do
\nthey have a first president with wooden teeth who chopped down a
\ncherry tree? Instead they elect representatives with names that
\nhave two dots over the ‘O’.”<\/p>\n
\nWilliam Raspberry chimed in as well. “Bush could have laid the
\ngroundwork for this war with diplomacy. He could have gone to France
\nwith roses instead of using bitter words at home. The French would
\nhave said ‘Sure, bomb the hell out of Iraq, steal their oil, and start
\nworld war 3.’<\/p>\n
\n“And personally, I would have said Amen. In these affairs, style is
\neverything.”<\/p>\n
\nKathleen Parker said “I don’t really care much if innocent Iraqis die. I
\nonly care that Bush gives me the opportunity to show just how clever I
\nam.”<\/p>\n
\nBoycott<\/b><\/p>\n
\nRight wing commentator Rush Limbaugh is urging Americans to boycott
\nGerman Black Forest cuckoo clocks. Germany is the number one exporter
\nin the world of German Black Forest cuckoo clocks.<\/p>\n
\n“Suits me fine,” a Limbaugh fan said. “The Germans don’t keep those
\ndark-skinned people from sneaking into our country, trying to make
\nMexican our foreign language, and stealing American flags which are
\nmade in China.”<\/p>\n
\n“I have one of those damn things,” another fan said, referring to the
\ncuckoo clocks. “And do you know how annoying it is? Every quarter of
\nan hour that bird comes out, taunts you, and then flies back to hide
\nin its house.”<\/p>\n
\nBut the call to boycott French wines has met with some resistance.
\n“What am I supposed to use as a toast when our smart bombs start
\ndestroying Baghdad?” a Wall Street investor complained. “You know how
\nmuch fun it will be to see little building ignite like fire
\nflies–even better than the NCAA, and just in time, too.”<\/p>\n
\nAnother investor lamented “Oh great, so now they want to take away my
\nwine and my SUV. Is this country going communist or what?”<\/p>\n
\nMilitary Dismayed At Trends<\/b><\/p>\n
\nMilitary analysts point out that a wine boycott would do little to stem
\nthe threat of democracy.<\/p>\n
\n“Look what happened in Turkey,” a top military official complained,
\nreferring to a vote that nixed US plans to use Turkey as a base to
\nattack Iraq. “Their parliament thwarted our plans. This democracy
\nthing is just getting out of hand.”<\/p>\n
\nAnother top Bush aid put it this way: “Democracy sucks.” He quickly
\ncorrected himself. “I didn’t mean that.”<\/p>\n
\nBush strategists are already planning similar themes for the 2004
\nelection. If Bush doesn’t win the vote, he plans to declare that he is
\n“deeply disappointed that the US population didn’t live up to its
\nresponsibilities.”<\/p>\n
\n“I believe that the US electorate is irrelevant,” he will say–before
\nappointing himself president.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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